THE PAGE OF SHAME

HOLY MOLY! I DON'T LIKE THESE PICTURES!

Speaking of Aliens vs. Predator, there is this entry from Dodgeball. Can't you just see this beautiful thing being displayed in a movie theater lobby? I sure can't. One of the obscene demands I routinely request is that images submitted look like they belong to the medium they are supposed to. For example, if I assign the theme of "racist beer steins," you should at least make sure your image looks like a beer stein with some sort of racist message on it. Likewise, I ask that people make their movie posters look like a movie poster. It's absurd, I know, but that's just the kind of totalitarian feature I'm running. You better believe my ego is as big and unchecked as a beached whale with a glandular problem. Dodgeball is fairly close, but yet so far away due to the massive ugliness of his image. Thusly, he is a terrible human being because he has next to zero talent when it comes to Photoshop. While it's commendable that he tries, I think his failures would better serve the world if they were kept private. Please unplug your modem, Dodgeball, and please don't plug it back in.

McPorkChoppy is off in some kind of magic fantasy world with this thing that goes in 50 directions. I'm not the biggest Eddie Murphy fan, and hopefully no human being alive is either, but what's the deal with this picture? I mean come on! Why is he blind? Is that a sword he's carrying? What's the deal with swords? Why does a blind man need a sword? And what's the deal with those ferrets? Do blind people hate ferrets, or just the blind people with swords? Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Why is his head so big? It just doesn't add up. I hate myself and I want to die.

It wasn't long ago in a Page of Shame not unlike this one that I humbly pleaded with people not to submit any more pictures involving Michael Jackson. Maybe some people find his wretched form pasted into random pictures funny, but I don't, and I'm the chimp who has to put this weekly monstrosity together. HonkNRalph obviously missed the memo and made this stellar picture that begs the question: "Why?" Why did you bother to even make this? He likes boys? Aside from his more obsessed and deranged fans, who in this solar system does not know that Michael Jackson is a pedophile? Is this funny? If I made a picture that said "George Bush" with the word "President" written beneath it, would that be funny? We know he touches little boys (Michael Jackson, not the president), so come up with a more interesting joke about him if you absolutely insist on using his horrifying visage. And also please swallow a box Brillo pads as just and due punishment.

coltron4040 does something I just love: needlessly repeating a joke from a show. Occasionally when I'm feeling indifferent I'll let a Simpsons joke slip through, but most of the time I don't get the point of taking a joke you thought was funny on a TV show or cartoon, and then repeating that joke here. Was the joke not already done then, and probably much better? I don't know about you swell folks, but I like ice cream. But more importantly, the Phriday images I enjoy the most are the ones based on an original and humorous idea, not something someone saw on TV. I'm not impressed that you own a TV, although I am a bit jealous since mine is busted. Regardless, coltron4040 and anyone else with an itch to submit some pictures should heed my word: make your own jokes, goddamnit.

Thanks! Enjoy the crap! c u l8r boi!

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

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