From: Steve Mueller
Ha ha! Get it? "Some Awful Articles?" That's comedy, my friend! See, he called us "a bunch of misinformed idiots" and suggested we change our URL to "someawfularticles.com" because we wrote an awful article! Do you get it now? That joke may be a little over your head, much like the fake review was to ol' Stevie here, but if you think about it for a few hours like I did, you'll eventually understand the joke. Maybe. I can't tell, I'm just writing to hear myself chitter, and let me tell you, it's sexy.
My chittering informs me that we're chugging right along to the next flame mail, one that is "positively" hilarious!
From: Arthur R.T. Dickey
Okay, I'm going to stay away from making the completely tasteless and obvious joke of turning the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation's motto into "Making a HIV-Positive Difference," because not only is that completely tasteless, but it's also... uh... well, obvious. Regardless, I feel pretty bad for any AIDS victims in Toronto because you've got a real braindead guy running your computer network. Maybe he's so dopey that he misspelled "Brain Damage" as "AIDS." I'm really hoping that's the case, because I don't want Arthur R.T. Dickey ruining my previously positive impression of AIDS victims. Haha, my impression was "positive," get it? Fine, that was tasteless and obvious too, you win, I'm going back home.
The next email message has been rated "R," so you parents might want to lock your kids in the closet with a bunch of snapping turtles while you read it. Of course the "R" stands for "Retarded," but I expect you already know this.
From: Dave Collier
Hey wait a minute, wasn't Dave Collier the name of the guy from "Full House"? Uncle Joey? Wow, a celebrity! Say hi to the Olsen twins for us, Dave "The Raving Idiot" Collier!
Our next fan message comes straight from the gaping maw of "M1N0R 3V17," who you can tell is smart because he uses numbers instead of key letters in his name. He's a lot like the guy who invented the lightbulb, 4lb3rt 3d1s0n. That's humor once again, my friend!
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
Truth Media seeks to lure out the brainless zealots mindlessly spewing words about faceless companies and products they have no relation to. Why do folks get so worked up over such inconsequential things? Truth Media is here, not to discover the answer to this, but just to make fun of them.