im a sexclownmy dick makes a honk noise when you squeeze it and instead of a flower that shoots water my dick cums & im bad at having sex— deg (@degg) November 10, 2012
I just fronted. I feel horrible.— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) November 9, 2012
23 and still haven’t found the right deodorant lets kiss— Tracy Marquez (@tracy_marq) November 9, 2012
How much longer do we have to keep trying— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) November 9, 2012
*mitt leaves stage* *attempts to rip flag pin off lapel, can't* *has to unpin it properly* *throws it at garbage can, misses*— stefan (@boring_as_heck) November 7, 2012
scratching my pit hair with a fork like the little fucking mermaid— Jenny IdStandOnSurly (@JennyPentland) November 7, 2012
Forget Target or Best Buy, if you want deals this Black Friday you can't do better than smoking massive, mind-melting quantities of DMT.
A reluctant family is forced to welcome a non-human participant to Thanksgiving dinner.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!