im a sexclownmy dick makes a honk noise when you squeeze it and instead of a flower that shoots water my dick cums & im bad at having sex— deg (@degg) November 10, 2012
I just fronted. I feel horrible.— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) November 9, 2012
23 and still haven’t found the right deodorant lets kiss— Tracy Marquez (@tracy_marq) November 9, 2012
How much longer do we have to keep trying— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) November 9, 2012
*mitt leaves stage* *attempts to rip flag pin off lapel, can't* *has to unpin it properly* *throws it at garbage can, misses*— stefan (@boring_as_heck) November 7, 2012
scratching my pit hair with a fork like the little fucking mermaid— Jenny IdStandOnSurly (@JennyPentland) November 7, 2012
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
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