im a sexclownmy dick makes a honk noise when you squeeze it and instead of a flower that shoots water my dick cums & im bad at having sex— deg (@degg) November 10, 2012
I just fronted. I feel horrible.— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) November 9, 2012
23 and still haven’t found the right deodorant lets kiss— Tracy Marquez (@tracy_marq) November 9, 2012
How much longer do we have to keep trying— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) November 9, 2012
*mitt leaves stage* *attempts to rip flag pin off lapel, can't* *has to unpin it properly* *throws it at garbage can, misses*— stefan (@boring_as_heck) November 7, 2012
scratching my pit hair with a fork like the little fucking mermaid— Jenny IdStandOnSurly (@JennyPentland) November 7, 2012
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
Everything worth reading from Twitter in one handy, horrible place!