After doing a Google Image search for "Christine Smith" with safe search disabled, I'm sure as hell ready to vote for her. Your grandmother is right. She can rule my world anyday.


He's got you there, Christopher.


I hate to be a buzzkill but the smoke isn't good for you. Well, it isn't. That's why I like to mix it into my shake and bake.


You can't pay hookers in gold.


When I was a kid they had a panning for gold thing at a local amusement park and I still have some of it. I feel much better knowing I am going to be apart of the gold Facebook elite.


The only inflation I see here is on your posts. Bam.


More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.