When I first heard about XXXChurch I was hoping to see some hot nun anal action with no cum dodging allowed. We're talking sister Mary getting railed in the vestibule. What I found instead was a batshit insane anti-porn, anti-masturbation forum with more Jesus than a trailer park. How long can you go without jerking off? If it's any more than six hours, you are a not a man.

I'm pretty sure there has been more than 100 years of suffering.


What this guy calls a lifetime of disgust I call a Saturday night.


There's a typo here actually. He meant to say, "I used to do youths..."


Well you can be with Phil for the rest of your life but there's nothing we can do about the other stuff. Sorry.


Jerking off is a sin but furry fandom is okay? What the hell is wrong with these people?


You know, the Something Awful Forums include the most deranged people on the planet and even we ban for bestiality. I think that's a pretty good indication that it's wrong.


More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

About This Column

There are hundreds of stories happening on the World Wide Web. Let me tell you, that's a very wide web. Our goal at Weekend Web is to bring you the latest headlines from around the Internet. We go into the very bowels of message boards everywhere and find out what millions of online citizens have to say.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.