I loved Sonic the Hedgehog when I was a kid. I have fond memories of collecting gold coins and running into conveniently placed spikes like a retard. Unfortunately that image from my youth has been forever tainted by anime-obsessed Sonic fans. By taking Sonic into anime, they spawned an entire subculture of 14 year olds that take Sonic way too seriously. The Sonic Zone is the place where they congregate, and think of further ways to destroy my childhood.

Thank you for introducing yourself. So tell us where you want to have sex with Sonic.

I want to rape her.

Anime avatar. Check. Hates school. Check. How much you want to bet he hates his parents too?

Hello! Welcome to the Sonic Zone Forums! Pull up a chair and tell us which character you think Sonic should date!

Just make sure it's not your fan character. I mean business here.

Pleased to meet you. Meat to please you.

I'm afraid.

Yeah, I've hacked into protected forums. What of it?

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.