"Ladies and gentlemen?" I doubt there's a single woman that even came close to caring about this post, let alone multiple.

Try the door to your house once in a while.

"Put your butts all over me!" is kind of a personal motto for Keith.

dzulhelmi is just like Superman with his own fortress of solitude, but instead of kryptonite he's paralyzed by social situations.

Oh okay I wasn't really sure about Firefox until you posted parts of your level 13 elf bard's backstory.

Whatever happened to normal hobbies? A lot of these guys would be better off fooling around with a chemistry set, launching model rockets, or doing any other activity that could cause serious injury.

More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.