craigslist

If you aren't familiar with craigslist, it's basically the classifieds section of the Internet, except worse because it's free to post whatever the hell you want. The personals section reads like a who's who of depravity in the area, but my all-time favorite section has to be "missed connections," which is where you should post when you see someone you like but you are too ugly to speak to them.

I was the morbidly obese guy in the Rascal scooter with food stains on his shirt. I told you that was the shirt's design and you kind of laughed nervously and looked away.

Oh thanks for beaming this into space. Now aliens are going to come beat the shit out of us for sure.

Remember Homeless Pete who always tried to cut us with shards of glass? Oh man, great times at the smut shack!

Hey baby I just took a monster shit, wanna do it?

I had the bowl cut and the complete set of 1993 Marvel Masterpieces trading cards in mint condition.

I'm a spineless little shell of a man, please do everything for me!

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