The word hero is thrown around a lot these days. Firefighters, policemen, ordinary citizens who display acts of courage to save another, these aren't heroes. The real heroes are on the Internet dressing up in stupid outfits and then posting pictures of themselves on a cable channel's message board so we can make fun of them. God bless them, every one of them.

Sunglasses and a life vest don't automatically make you a superhero.


Hey, I can roleplay a superhero and if that doesn't work out parlay it into a dominatrix gig. Either way it's money in the bank. And then overdraft fees.


Is "Braid" really a Brad? Who can tell?


This guy couldn't save a cat in a tree even if there was a stepladder and backup from SWAT teams and another roleplaying superhero helping dressed in an even more ridiculous getup.


To defeat the bad guys Drama Queen shows them her LiveJournal poetry and they choke on their own vomit, blood.


I'd hit it. What do you expect? Standards? I work on the Internet for God's sake.


His only weakness is an inevitable heart attack. In the meantime the world will feel pretty safe for a couple weeks.


More The Weekend Web

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.