Tour of Hell, submitted by me. is a pretty typical insane uber-Christian website. Poor design, random quotes strewn all over the place, crappy image quality, multiple denunciations of homosexuals - all the normal trappings of your run of the mill "believe in our concept of Jesus or burn forever" site. But what sets it apart from the rest of the cross-swinging crowd is that it offers a one of a kind tour of hell. That's right, you can experience the terror and pain of the eternal pit!

Is there an environmentalist in the house? Well another thing that you'll have to get used to down here is the lack of CLEAN air. As a matter of fact, they don't have any. You think New York was bad, Ha! Wait till you gulp a lung full of this stuff! You may have defended the earth to keep it pure, but if you die without JESUS you'll have nothing to look forward to but an eternity of the acrid stink of sulpher SMOKE! Oh yeah, there won't be any EPA to call down here...

Well, I'm almost scared straight already! NOTHING is more TERRIFYING then the completely unnecessary use of CAPITAL LETTERS! The tour of the black abyss consists of page after page after page of text that try to convince you of the horror that awaits by randomly capitalizing words and putting them in yellow. One by one, all of the finer things in life are stripped away as the tour takes you further into the realm of unending torture:

Are you a person that appreciates all the pleasures that hearing affords? Do you love to listen to the waves crashing on the beach or the sound of rainfall on a tin roof? How about the sound of the wind whispering in the willows or a robin singing? Or maybe you enjoy soothing music?

In HELL there will be NONE of these.

Yes, I am a person who enjoys hearing! Oh my God, this site knows me better than I know myself! I'd better get to church!

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt

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