Blueeyedguy4fun, submitted by Ryan. Whether or not I agree with our nation's reasons for sending our military overseas, I always support America's soldiers. Except in this case. This guy needs to be swiftly and brutally eliminated. Why, you ask? Click on the above link to his page. If you need any longer than three seconds to figure out why, you may need some form of prescription medication.
Sean, a proud member of the Armed Forces, is guilty of several crimes against humanity. Among these are: massive overuse of stupid animated GIFs, continual use of red, white, and blue text to prove that he is a patriot and not, in fact, a terrorist, shameless display of disturbing personal photos, pointless inability to write out the word "fuck" despite constant dependence on it to complete sentences, and the creation and distribution of painfully bad poetry. Observe:
A Very Pretty Smile
You have a very pretty smile, I hate to see you frown. For when you are unhappy, it really brings me down. I'd do anything I could, to bring a smile to your face. For when you show your smile, it lights up the whole place. I love it when you smile, it really warms my heart. I couldn't tell you how it feels, I wouldn't know where to start. If I had one wish to make, & wishes did come true. I'd wish for a lifetime of happiness, be granted onto you.
Yeah. Now imagine that poem with every sentence in alternating red, white, and blue text. Yes, you're right to scream. Any one of Sean's many, many attacks on the senses of anyone foolish enough to visit his site would be more than enough to qualify for an Awful Link of the Day, but their combined power makes this site something more fiendish than that. Coupled with the horrifying knowledge that this pudgy idiot has a position of responsibility in the United Stated Army, it is quite possible that this site is the one true root of everything that is wrong with the world. If you're not convinced, try this on for size:
Colors of Love
Rose are Red, Violets are Blue. What else can I say, except that I Love you. Snow is White, Charcoal is Black. I'll carry your burdens, Upon my back. The skies are Gray, The grass in Green. My Love for you, won't go unseen. The sunset is Orange, The Mountains are Brown. I will be here for you, whenever you're down. The Moon is Silver, The sun is gold. I want us to be as one, Together we'll grow old. Lemons are Yellow, Some grapefruit Pink. We'd be happy together, Don't you think?
That's what I thought. If you've got something to say to Sean, you can let him know in his very own guestbook. I know he'd love to hear from you.
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.