Crystalinks, submitted by Mongo.I wish to change pace here and get a little serious with you guys. I have found a lady that has snared my wild heart with her metaphysical charms and rugged gypsy looks. I wanted you guys to be the first to know, seeing how close we are, and decided to come right out with it before the whispers and rumors blew up into a full scale Internet scandal. Yes, she is Ellie Crystal, and yes, I am seeing the awful link of the day.If falling for a crazy Internet lady with an inground pool is wrong, I don't want to be right.
You don't need to tell me how forbidden this love is. A Something Awful writer and a awful link have never dared to stand up to the system, and tear down all the barriers, never to look back. I don't expect any of you to understand, but I will tell you this: if you try to interfere with this romance, or threaten Ellie in any way, I will use maximum force to take you and your crew out. On my terms. Please enjoy the website. (Update: The bitch dumped me for Greasnin because he has awards for writing plays! Go ahead and shit all over this loony broad's site!)
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
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