Listen, man, the first thing I want you to know is that all my credentials are listed as soon as you get to plottpalmtrees.com. Scroll down a bit. Check out my shit. Look at that photo. Yeah, that's me mean-muggin' with that glorious Befort Palmetto. I'm Eric Geoffrey Plott, and I'm bringing palm trees to the greatest fuckin' state - Missouri.
I assure you, this is no hustle. Would a hustler use Comic Sans? Nope. I'm laid-back, vacation-relaxed, just like my trees. I know what you're thinking - palm trees are expensive as shit. Not if the Plotts have anything to say about it! (We do.) You can expect the best - the best trees, the best ladies, and the best YouTube videos. Have you seen the movie of our trip to Houston? It's only 33 minutes long, you should check it out. It's like you're right there with us!
What's that you say? Oh! The ladies! Yes, well, come take a gander at our beauties lazing happily in the shade of one of our wonderful palm trees. Check out the Palm Tree Girl of the Month. You think Yuliva Modaliska reps just anything? Wrong, dude. Like I wrote on the site, "congratulations, Yuliva Modaliska, you where chosen because you are a girl & I have ideas." If you didn't know, that's the formula for style.
How did I get into palm trees? How couldn't I! I've said it once, and I'll say it again: "Palm trees grow in Missouri and I want to bring them to Missouri, can you help me?" It's God's work I'm doing. I know it already. So what the fuck are you dinguses waiting for? Get on this shit. Get yourself a Plott palm tree. It's the dopest. Visit our site, give us a call, or, if you're in Missouri, come talk to us in person; you can find us right there inside the Towne Plaza Hair Studio.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.