Applewhite
A tiny cork you can put on the tip of a scorpion's stinger so it is safe for children to play with.
Hell Yeah
a muffler for your car that makes hilarious fart sounds and they're very loud
SciFiDownBeat
a start-up generator
you type in an idea and it does everything (create designs, hire lawyers, file paperwork, pitch to VCs, engage in viral marketing, grow the userbase, get the company bought by Facebook) for you
Wall Balls
uber but for undertakers
Tomato Burger
Four Seventy-Fiverr: repost Fiverr jobs for other people to complete for $4.75 while you make risk-free profit.
BelgianWaffle
Washable toilet paper
A toilet paper rewind machine
SciFiDownBeat
baby exchange service
don't like your baby? we match you with an equally-peeved set of parents and facilitate a seven-day baby exchange trial period. if you like the new baby, keep it! if you don't, return it at no extra charge
Applewhite
A shoulder parrot that is actually a flask so you can sneak beverages into the movie theater.
It would be a real, live parrot which has had its stomach surgically replaced with a flask.
Stuffguyman
Keyboards with a random key that simulates a different keystroke every time.
For example: asoifyuh89[yqh[0Y9GH0OIHT8P4TN'n4nj
Nigmaetcetera
One of those waving arm tube guys but with a comically large penis that bounces and flops around in an amusing fashion.
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.
Previous Articles
- Technically Accurate Descriptions of Films!
- EMS Stories!
- The Golden Age of Television
- Logan's Adventure! (CYOA!)
- Houston vs Kansas City Play by Play