Listen up, kittens! You will clean this bathroom to a perfect shine every day for the next three months! For this task, your only tool will be the latest Swiffer® WetJet®
my new dog
306 reporting 9 man 10 man total, private tensing found a wounded dove
Sgt: why is no one comforting him
Chill Sergeant: War is hell. Now I don't know about you, privates, but hell's a little too hot for me, so I hope you boys packed your floaties, 'cause I'm deployin' us all the way to the water park! Don't touch that wallet, Pyle; it's my treat.
recruit one: chill sargent caught me with an untucked shirt this morning
recruit two: oh god, what's the punishment
recruit one: he's making my whole platoon clean their entire mouths, with just this *holds up a toothbrush*
*everyone stands at attention*
"haha okay guys you can chill now."
*no one moves a muscle*
*sigh* "at ease."
Drill Sergeant: GET THE FUCK UP! GET UP! WAKE UP MAGGOTS! *throws garbage can down room* WAKE UP! 6 AM DOG WALKING CALL! GET THOSE ASSES UP AND THOSE PUPS ON LEASHES! WE NEED TO BE AT THE DOG PARK BY 5:45 SO WE CAN CHAT UP POTENTIAL NEW FRIENDS AND SEE ALL THE CUTE DOGS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD!
City of Glompton
Look to your left! Now look to your right! By the end of the year, one or more of these people will probably be your best friend! Any questions?
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.