no they will not
Link visits his gay sisters house to find his boomerang he forgot at her place but instead finds feelings and showers nude in one scene
Some Other Guy
a bisexual link who is sexually active during key parts of the story seems good to me
Link can get a boner anytime haha but he can only cum if he has full hearts (now called empathy kernels)
thinking maybe a romance side game would be a good way to really scream "this is NOT your parents link!" possible options for romance: zelda(duh), malon, impa, twinrova(two chicks at once. ohhh yeah), ganondorf, heck, maybe even tingle.
link is juggling saria and zelda and takes them out to a date on the same night at the same restaurant, which is promptly leveled by a suicide bomber
link and zelda are able to watch black is the new orange together and not even feel the least bit awkward about the steamy parts
instead of breaking pots link now kicks down doors, rummages through cabinets, and pockets consumer electronics in what some would call a home invasion but what he calls the hylian hustle
Link spins poi to hylian breakbeats and uses them to light torches so bars slide off doors in dungeons
The potions are all drugs
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
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