I mean my god look at this fucking rug. It's about 3'x5' and holy shit does it look good on my floor.

That dragon has 4 god damn arms. It has wheels. And the wheels have wheels. Oh shit it has wings.

It turns into wood halfway down. But before it turns into wood, which I assume is of the finest oak, it has a six pack.

And look at those breasts. My god they're big. Cool scimitar.

Yes it is hand made. No I will not sell it.

Saint Darwin

Can...can I buy one like it?


No god damn't it's hand made that means there's only one. I have the only copy.


Pretty sweet, did you eat dog food for it?

Saint Darwin

be nice, he's not a whore. If he ate dog food for the rug, he would be a whore. Eating it in his spare time makes him a HERO.


I won't be eating this rug so stop messaging me.

Stentorian Hoot

I bet that rug really ties the room together.


Judging by that rug, I can tell you're a man of taste and refinement and probably have an elaborate security system in place to prevent the theft of that rug. I don't care. Flaunting your prize in such a vulgar manner was a horrible mistake. I'm coming. I'm coming for the rug. You will never sleep soundly again, for even if I fail, there will be others. There will always be others.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.