Steve: After the first wave of satanism fears in the USA, Dungeons and Dragons sort of backed off this stuff. They became afraid of the whole demons thing. Not Warhammer.
Zack: No, they went right at it. Pentagrams and rituals and entrails and creepy boobs everywhere.
Steve: I guess it's because the British don't care about the occult, they grew up with druids and wizards in their history.
Zack: I don't think there were historical wizards.
Steve: The point is, I could probably go kill myself after looking at this stuff.
Zack: I get your point. The British would not be surprised if a demon appeared in London and people turned into rats. American culture has basically repressed all the bad stuff to the point that we have the Pilgrims sitting down for dinner with the Indians and then it's barbecues and skateboard ramps and the moon landing.
Steve: Seriously, dude, after looking at all this stuff, I might try to summon a devil. For powers.
Zack: Hasn't the artwork taught you anything? Not gonna work out.
Steve: I know. Rats will gnaw out of my guts and skulls will fall out of my intestines or something, but I'm willing to take that chance.
Zack: Yeah, totally worth it because maybe some evil power will make your arm giant and then give you a disease and that's your Warhammer evil power. You're sick. Congratulations.
Steve: Chronic illness: the darkest truth of all.
Zack: See you next time folks. We have something exciting in store for everyone. I think it's guaranteed to make Steve suffer for once.
Zack: Here's a hint: it involves cleaning.
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Guess what's back? Frosty tundras! And me.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.