Zack: The room contains various supplies and tools that you would expect to find in the supply room of a well-maintained dungeon. Oils for various trap hinges, nets to fish skeletons out of the acid pits, snack pellets for the mouth on the door that asks you riddles, etc. There is also a large switch controlling the trap in the hall that is switched to ON.
Steve: Is there anything actually useful?
Zack: This stuff is all super useful if you are a maintenance goblin in a dungeon. There is also a big, well-worn chair and a television set tuned to USA network.
Steve: A box that conjures the images of other places and times! Aaahh!
Zack: Characters welcome, Steve. Even gypsies.
Steve: I am attacking the TV with the remnants of my spear.
Zack: As you batter the TV with your broken spear the character named House appears onscreen and says, "What if this gypsy's mega obesity isn't the cause, what if it's a symptom? Get an ultra scan machine to look for his super tiny wiener. If you find it that might be the cause of his huge fatness and stupidness."Steve: I hurl the TV at Nikka.
Zack: He easily dodges, having quaffed a homemade ESP potion moments earlier. He and Trebbelos, the infant wizard, are drenched in goblin blood.Steve: Is there a way out of this dump?
Zack: Back the way you came to the last hallway intersection.Steve: Alright, retracing our steps to the intersection.
Zack: It branches north, which you have not been, or south, which will take you back the way you came to get to the room originally.Steve: Heading north.
Zack: The corridor turns left and right. You can see the corridor to the right is oddly angled.Steve: Heading that way. Anything out of place is always a safe bet in a dungeon.
Zack: You follow the zig zag until it veers into a straight hallway running south. You see three door spaced evenly apart on the eastern wall.
Steve: Nearest door.
I saw good men turned to mush in the wars against the soggies. Men much better than you, Mr. President. If you are going to take John Brennan's security clearance, take my security clearance too.
Forget beer checkers, beer chess and beer dejarik. Only these games are guaranteed to put you on dialysis by age 30.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.