Zack: The guy on the right is high as fuck.

Dave: Just as behind every great man there's a great woman, behind every straightedge skinhead ne'er-do-well there's a lumbering Mormon mantoddler.

Zack: As far as I can tell, straightedge people are Nazi kids afraid of getting their asses kicked by black people.

Zack: I'd love to see this moron start a brawl with some MS 13 guys.

Dave: Yeah, as a general rule, white guys with big "13" tattoos on their faces should politely sidestep Los Angeles to avoid encounters with chainsaws.

Dave: That's why they spend Christmases at home, with cousin Chad.

Zack: Oddly enough, the same catalog sells DRUG FREE hoodies and fabulous teddy bear Christmas sweaters.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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