CHAPTER 4: ROMANCE IS IN THE MINDCARDS!
Chase leaned back and relaxed. He had just finished having sex with Clair for the 50th time. They had been having sex for over 39 consecutive hours, because when you're clear you have this simply incredible sex drive that really turns you into a demon under the bedsheets. Clair woke up and Chase gazed into her beautiful green eyes.
"Chase, I..." Claire stumbled. "I... love..."
"Yes Clair?" replied Chase, knowing what was going to come next.
"I... I love L. Ron Hubbard!" Clair exclaimed with a tear in her blonde eyes.
"I love L. Ron Hubbard too!" shouted Chase. They hugged each other with the power of all their hearts and then pulled out 50 dollars each to put in an envelope addressed to the Scientomologistology lawyers, in exchange for letting them mention L. Ron Hubbard's copyrighted name. They went to sleep knowing that the world had been saved from the evil, vile Xenu and the Thetans were no longer free to float around and do evil, vile Thetan-like activities. Throughout the following days, all the other "incorrect" religions from across the globe began to shut down, all collapsing since the Thetans were no longer around to possess their leaders. The world became full of peace and harmony, with all of mankind pooling their resources together for one goal: the glory of Scientiminololigstalogy.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.