The 25 Most Awful Places According to Hollywood (Part 1)

Get ready for some clever satire.
Hollywood teaches: Hollywood is a land of mansions and drug addict hovels with nothing in between. Evil producers will manipulate impressionable young actresses, use them up, and then discard them like broken toys. Dreams will be shattered, big deals will be brokered, and there will probably be some exciting murder happening somewhere. If David Lynch was involved expect to see a cowboy, a swinging lightbulb, and something that isn't scary at all but has been made slightly scary because there is isolated sound or the lighting is weird.

The reality: Hollywood is absolutely terrible at making movies about itself. They exaggerate every failure and success to the point of cartoon. The movie industry doesn't revolve around mobsters and Shakespearean intrigue, it's a big, loud, slightly seedy version of an amusement park, as dumb and artless as that implies.

It's a fire truck on a FUCKING STREET, FUCKER.
Hollywood teaches: Hollywood holds Small Town, USA in utter contempt. It is either a thin facade of inoffensive pleasantness with ugliness and violence lurking beneath or the facade is gone and it's just an ugly poverty-wracked hell. Huffing gangs of perverted drug dealers and hateful dullards rule the streets and Bjork gets hanged mid-stanza. The one exception is when a nuclear holocaust is approaching, presumably because all actual centers of culture in America have been vaporized. In that case small-town Americans exhibit stoic survival instincts until their hair and teeth fall out and they shit blood while cradling a dead baby.

The reality: David Lynch was pretty much right. Small towns in America are terrorized by kidnappings of children, severed ears, and psychopaths that wear a fake mustache when conducting drug deals.