Prompts for Midterm Essay

1. Consider the assigned readings and in class lectures that you have been exposed to over the course of the semester. Discuss the major opinions that run through the seemingly unrelated topics and, more importantly, why they are right. Though often rants and photocopies of blog entries, the things I say during class are to be absorbed as 100% fact. Write a 7 - 8 page response to something you heard me say. Remember that your response should be in complete agreement to my entrenched opinionated viewpoints.

2. Reusing essay prompts is a common way for professors to reduce the time spent on students to almost zero. Because my occupation is dependent on communicating with the youthful ignorant, it is easier for me to use something old than to spend a minute on you fools. Here is one that worked wonders: In a 7 - 8 page paper decide who is a better democratic candidate for the 1988 election: Michael Dukakis or Jesse Jackson?

3. Write a 9 - 10 page compare and contrast essay analyzing the many ways in which I am better than you. Be sure to describe my many, many years of accomplishments to your pitifully short and aimless life. I will be taking into account that you are less functional and capable at problem solving and thus cannot truly understand each and everyway that I find superiority over you. Due to the infinite examples, I expect this paper to be slightly longer than other prompts.

4. Everything I told you throughout the semester is correct and logical and I want you to know by heart; however, for this essay I want you to write a 7 - 8 page paper on the statement I said ten minutes in to the third class period. Though it has been five weeks and I have made no reference to the single sentence, I expect your essay to identify and analyze the statement.

5. Unfortunately, I am at this current time unable to remember what class I am teaching. Write a 7 - 8 page paper about 16th century French clock making or Wuthering Heights. Be sure to relate these topics to whatever my lectures have been about.

6. Chip'n'Dale's Rescue Rangers was a popular show in the early 1990's. It featured four chipmunks and a fly. My daughter, who no longer speaks to me, loved it. Expand. 7 - 8 pages.

8. Internet, phones without wires, women's suffrage. The modern world is a dangerous threat to elderly white males. Is tenure enough? In a well crafted 7 - 8 page paper, explore five ways for me to retain my unearned power over others.

– Ian "Salmon Season" Golding (@iggolding)

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