Looks liek I have been GIVEN controlls of teh webpage machene!!! Helo my name si JEFF K!!!! and yuo might haev visitted my qualety homepaeg in teh past! I run my hoempage JEFFK!!! WEBSITE!!! DOT COMB!!!!!! and hear si teh link!!!!!!!111 http://www.somethingawful.com/jeffk/ http://www.somethingawful.com/jeffk/ http://www.somethingawful.com/jeffk/ http://www.somethingawful.com/jeffk/ http://www.somethingawful.com/jeffk/

but as I was sayeing, teh webmastarar of thes siet emaled me and sends me this emale to my emale account in my emalebox (I use filtars on my account too keep teh govarmint from cracking my warez!!): (PS: I HAEV MADE COMMENTS INTEH COLOR REDON THIS EMALE, SO THOSE ARE MINE NOT HIS)!!:

From: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
Subject: Hey Jeff, I have an offer for you...

Mr. K:

As you might recall from our previous conversations, the week of June 17th through the 23rd is going to be "Project: Go Away" week. [I DONT KNOW WAHT HES TALKING ABOUT I DONT TALK TO RICH LOTWAX KAYANAKA I DONT KNOW WHO HE SI] In case you've forgotten, the purpose of "Project: Go Away" is to simply make readers stop visiting Something Awful. [I DONT KNOW WHAT SI SOMETHING AWEUFL EITHAR I THINK IT WAS A CLEVAR RUSE ON HIS PART TOO GETS ME TO SUBSCRIBE TO HIS MAGAZINE SALESMANSHIP#] Why are we actively trying to make people stop visiting SA? Simply put, the bandwidth bills on the server are getting way out of control. [I DONT USE BANDYWIDTH FOR MY SIET I USE AOL]Thanks to a dead ad market and a lack of sufficient reader donations, SA isn't doing very well on the "pulling in money" front. In fact, if SA was a racehorse, it would've died months ago, laying in the mud while its jockey continued to beat it mercilessly. [WFT SI A HORSE DOING ON TEH INTARNAT???? HORSES CANT USE COMPUTARS YUO STUPED FAGOT LINGER!!!] Since the webmaster of Something Awful (myself) doesn't feel an incredibly overwhelming need to continue and pay money for the privledge of spending six hours a day to entertain people for free, these drastic times have called for drastic measures. [WHAT??????? DRAGON TIMES????]

In order to lower bandwidth bills and expenses, "Project: Go Away" will begin on June 17th and will consist of a week dedicated to reducing the number of website visitors by as much as possible. [POREJCT HGO AAEWY WEKE GRO JOGOPE AAdgggf WHAT??] We will produce the worst content possible, assuming we weren't already doing that in the first place. We will alienate all our viewers by repeatedly insulting them and generally displaying a level of contempt never seen before in a public outlet.[JERRY SI AFRAID OF ALIANS AND UFOS, ONE TIEM WE SAW A MOVIE WHERE ALIANS WERE IN A PLANAT AND JERRY CRIED AND I THREW A ICE CREAM CUP AT HIS HEAD AND YUO KNOW WHAT I ENJOYED THAT MOMENT IN HISTOREY] If it will drive away visitors and lower the cost of running the website in any way, we will do it. The sole purpose is to lose as many viewers as possible, and we will stop at nothing to achieve this goal.

On a completely unrelated note, would you be interested in updating the site on June 19th?


Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

SO as yuo can see I was choosen too updates for my JONRALESTIC INGTEGRINTY and ability too scooop major Gameing magazine!


when I first started my websiet I was compeating with INSCITE MAGAZINE but now oh ho they are GONE liek a feathar in a dust!!! but Jeff K stands around still on teh Intarnet liek a marbal pillar of truth! OF JUSTICE!!! and then I compeated against PCXL and oh look they went away too becuase they spent all there money on researching cutting edge HIP HOP TECHNOLOGY so they could write liek teh cool kids at school who smoke and broek teh Snickers bar vending machene!!! then I compeated against Dailey Raidar and I think there site closed I dont know my mom put Netnanny on that site because evary time Id go there there would be 5000 popups for credit cards and Id fill out Jerry's name and adress for all of them and his credit got rejected becuase teh credit card Companey knew if Jerry put a credat card in his wallet and sat down then his FAT ASS would squash teh card and it would stick to his butt and teh card numbar would get stuck on his ass and peopal would look at his fat ass and use his credat card numbar to order LAMP PORN!!!! And that wouldant work because Jerry would already be on teh phone ordaring LAMP PORN!!! so I forgot what I was talking about but teh ovarall mesage too walks away with is that Jerry is fat and he'd eat yuo at teh DROP OF A FAT!!! I MEAN HAT!@!! hahahahahHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAAaaaaaaaassdgfhj/

SO I get too updates thes page now because its a THRILL A MINUTE WITH JEFF K IN TEH STEARING WHEEL BABEY DOLL!!! And now I will update with what I have been doing: WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING: d

I haev Been going too school allot to learn teh 5 major religions: reading, writting, language, arethmattic, writting, history, algae bra, writting, foreign langaueg, reading, writting, and PE. I haev been doing vary well (IN CORRECT ENGLISH THAT IS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) I haev been using matchemathstics to fruther my eduatacion quite a ways and my teacher Mr. Milkweek says I will be doing vary well in futare endeboars. He is balding and smells liek teh bottom of a car. In my free tiem I have been working at teh Food Barn Grocery store as a cart martinizer. I push teh carts from the pareking lot back into the store so old peopal can take them and push them out back into teh lot again!!! Last Wendesday I got relly tired of pushign them back and forth liek a SPANISH MONGROSASAL so I pushed them inside and stood by teh carts and whenevar somebodey would trys too takes them I shouted "HEY FAGOT!!! STEP OFF MY TURF"

and I thew rocks and paper and gum at them! CHEWED GUM!! NOT BY ME MIND YUO WITCH MAKES THIS PLOT EVAN RICHER IN SUBSTANCE!!!! and then my boss Mr. Gransky came out and started yelling liek he always dose because hes mad becuase his wife looks liek a PLaydough turd after its been in a frying pan for a year. So I made bear noises and ran off into teh woods. HE CAN TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVEL IT mistar!1!!!!!! SO I quit and if yuo wants too give me a job and pay me moneys then emale me but dont give me moneys liek UGO and eFont did becuase Im still waiting for there moneys too arrive. Maybe I gave them teh wrong adress. I DONT KNOW!!! so emale me but I wont read it~

now I will provide colorfull commentary on currant events in teh worald:

Stampede at Pakistan shrine claims 30 lives - 404 Error Message: Page Not Found. The page you requested cannot be found. The page you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.

okeys I dont know what happaneded hear but there used too be an artical and now teh artical si gone so I guess I cant provide any colorfull commenteary on currant evants that effect teh way your life si lived! BUT.... thats okey becuase peopal who read CNN.COMB are MENTAL DISASTARS liek my dad! My dad si a small buisness and travals a lot. MY MOM SI A WHITE SLAVE THATS WHAT SHE SAYS TOO MY DAD OFTEN TIMES.

SO in concolusion CNN si for fagots, Jerry is a fat marm, and I am a jonralistec leadar of qualiety in onlien jonralism! I was going to write more but I am bussey liek a BUG and I dont haev tiem too make yuo marms happey so go fly a donut if yuo dont liek it and welcome to Valentines Day (its not Valentimes Day yet though!!!)!!!

– JEFFK (@sexyfacts4u)

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