Thanks, everyone. The first song I'm going to play tonight I wrote way back in 1998. I had just had a huge fight with my girlfriend, Shelly, and was thinking about how the things you love can also make you cry. So I wrote this song for Shelly in hopes it would keep her from leaving me. It's called "Aria of Agony."
*Haunting melody that plumbs the deepest chasms of human sorrow, building to a crescendo of ghastly, blood-curdling moans. Each measure draws the audience further down a labyrinth of dark thoughts from which there is no escape.*
This next song I wrote in the aftermath of 9/11. There was a ton of negativity in our culture at the time and a general unease about the future. But rather than contribute to that, I wanted to put some positive, tolerant vibes out there. So I sat down and wrote this tune, "Shores of Oblivion."
*Keening of a thousand lost souls lamenting their infinite unrest, with sudden flourishes of metallic scraping, like some savage beast clawing at the walls of one's sanity.*
This song I wrote in Chicago while touring with I Hate Fridays, who are a great band by the way. I was staying in this dismal hotel room but through the window I had a great view of the Sears Tower, which looks absolutely stunning at night. I think that contrast influenced this song a lot. It's about how you can have nothing, but still feel totally alive and free. Anyway, here's "Lucifer's Reverie."
*Cold wind drifting across a blighted wasteland, over bleached bones, fallen cities, verdigris of crumbling monuments, followed by a long, mournful threnody. In the piper's slow, sinuous phrasings, the audience hears the anguish of the dying, the emptiness of ages, the leaden futility of existence.*
Here's a song that almost didn't happen. I was cleaning out my attic when I happened to find an old photo of a friend's birthday party. Something about it spoke to me, and I immediately picked up my flute and composed this song. It's about how everything changes, but also wanting to resist change, wanting to hold on to the past. I hope you like "Over the Black Horizon."
*Terrible cacophony that sounds like the universe itself screaming. Most of the audience members go insane and are dragged out of the room laughing maniacally and soiling themselves.*
This last number is a little different. I wrote it in 2004 when my brother died of cancer and I was really depressed. But depression can be a fertile time artistically speaking, so took everything I was going through and wrote what I consider my darkest song ever. It's called "High Five the World (Everything Is Rainbows)."
*Sunny, blues-inflected pop song reminiscent of early Lemonheads. Remaining three audience members cheer as credits roll.*
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.