This article is part of the Roamin' Dad series.
HELLO!!!!! My smash hit home business "RatsPlus" is getting ready to launch our newest most exciting service yet. i am about to put a big ad in the paper and it's going to take up the whole page or maybe 2 pages because there's a lot of info. check it out and let me know if you are interested because i can get you a good deal on the rats. here is the ad:
HELLO RAT LOVERS!!! Look, we've all been there, sitting around the kitchen table and wondering about our rat budget. you've probably thought, "If I Can Barely Afford My Own Rats, How Am I Supposed To Give The Gift Of Rats To Others?" That's where RATGRAM comes in!!! RATGRAM makes it simple to share the rats with any home or office!! here's how it works.
"Give The Rats"
You pay the small RATGRAM fee and tell us who gets the rats. yours truly will show up dressed as a vacuum salesman and woo the person with my Vac Passion. it's no big deal i already have all the stuff. "Why Yes Hello Madam I'm Here To Sell You This Vacuum. Please Let Me In" is what i will say. then once inside i will talk a lot about waterfalls, creeks, streams and rivers to get the mother nature flowing. before you know it, someone is going to have to pay a call to the rest room!!
when either the recipient or myself gets up to go, i will open the vacuum canister and release a breeding pair of rats into the home. they will then begin the exciting nesting and breeding process and before you know it those babies will begin making babies of their own, and you will have sent your very first RATGRAM and none will be the wiser! if they come back and say "Oh My Goodness I Just Saw A Rat" i will say "Big Deal! I Don't Care" so they won't know it was me and won't associate me with the rat sighting
for more budget-conscious rat heads, there is also RATGRAM BASIC. RATGRAM BASIC works just like RATGRAM but i leave the nice suit and vacuum at home and show up in my normal clothes. when the recipient answers the door, I will gently "kick" the air toward them (not threatening) and a pair of rats will fly out of my pant leg and into the room. before the recipient knows what happened, the rats will have scurried away to safety and Yours Truly will be running away at full speed. "RATGRAM: It Gets The Rats In"
Make the "Rat" choice! Send a RATGRAM today!!!
RATGRAM: I'VE GOT SO MANY RATS
– Dad (@fart)