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Cursed Disc

by anon

Please. You have to read this. You might not believe this, but still - keep reading. It's too late for me... but maybe by reading this someone else will be saved.

My name is Peat and I am 17years old. I've always been a fan of classic games, so when I noticed my game-loving neighbours were holding a garage sale, I was jumping for joy. I rooted through some of the crates of games and found a playstation game. But this was no ordinary playstation game - the game case was covered in strange runic symbols. I thought this was pretty cool, so I bought the game. It cost $6.99 so I gave them $7 made of one $5 bill and two $1 bills. They started looking around for 1 cent of change but I said it was cool.

When I opened the game case at home blood started seeping out of the disc and filling up the game case. Huh I thought This must be a pirated version. I thought that was pretty lame but whatever. I used disc swapping to get the game to work in my playstation and soon enough I was at the title screen. It looked like the default net yaroze "game select" screen, but there was only one game to select... it was the same runes I had seen on the game case. When I selected it I heard an evil laugh. Right before the screen faded to black I realized my mistake. What I thought were runes was actually the word "ghouls" upside-down. Ghouls. Son of a bitch. It's at this point I opened my laptop and began transcribing this true story.

So please! Heed my warning... DON'T make the same mistakes I did... If you buy a playstation game disc and it says cursed stuff on it and it's covered in blood and when you put the game in your playstation there are ghouls turn the game off please. Or else you m [Author's note: cut off mid sentence from being trapped inside a game disc by a treacherous ghoul]

Haunted Tetris

by anon

Hello. My name is... well, that's not important right now. What is important is that I'm able to warn you about something horrible... something terrible. It was a normal day like any other when I happened across a garage sale in my local neighbourhood. I was looking through to see if there was anything good, when I noticed they had Tetris for the Game Boy. I loved Tetris when I was a kid, so I thought I'd buy it. I asked them how much it would cost and they said $4.50. I paid with a $5 note and they gave me 50 cents in change made up of two quarters. When I got home I noticed there was something off about this game cartridge - instead of being grey, it was coloured blood red. Little did I know my troubles were only beginning.

When I put the game cartridge in my Game Boy and turned it on, everything seemed normal. The title of the game - Tetris - was displayed as normal. Beneath the title of the game were options for 1 player and 2 player - however, since I did not have a link cable, I couldn't choose 2 player. The copyright notice at the bottom of the screen read "1989 Nintendo". I pressed start and started a game of Game A. At first, everything was normal, and I started making lines. After a few minutes, I noticed something was off. Suddenly, I noticed what it was. The game music was playing backwards instead of forwards. At this point I was getting seriously creeped out. It was at this point my troubles went from bad to worse - A strange tetris brick made up of five squares had just appeared on screen. It looked like the T piece but with an extra square coming off the bottom of the T. I screamed and turned my game boy off.

Since that happened I have had nightmares every night. The next day I drove past where the garage sale was where I bought the game and there was no house there.

Magic Zelda

by anon

One time I bought a second hand zeolda game for N64 at a garage sale. The label was torn off and when I put it in my N64 a ghost killed me.

Pokémon Scary

by anon

I was walking down my neighbourhood's main street on garage sale day, the day on which everyone held a garage sale at the same time. I thought I might be able to pick up a kischy retro lamp to really tie my mancave together. However, instead, I found a copy of pokemon Red.
Kick ass! I thought. Pokémon Red was one of my favorite games as a kid, and I thought it would be cool to relive some of those classic memories. But something was off about this particular copy... I didn't know exactly what back then, but I had an eerie feeling. I shrugged it off and paid for it. Their selling price was $10 but I told them that was ridiculous for a game from 1998. Eventually they relented and let me have it for $6.50, which I paid for by giving them 26 quarters that I had in a little ziploc bag from a different thing.

When I got home I took the game cartridge out of its box and prepared to put it in the fully charged game boy I guess the protagonists of these stories all have ready in 2017. When the familiar nintendo "dee-DEE" had passed, I was onto the main screen of pokémon red. I saw that there was a saved game already there. The character's name was HELPME and they had played for 666:66 and they had caught 666 pokémon and they had all 8 gym badges. I thought this was weird, because in generation 1 there were only 151 pokémon, but I thought that maybe this was a hacked version of the game. I'm kind of a big fish in the pokémon romhacking community, so I thought this was actually pretty cool.

When I selected continue and started playing, I noticed the music playing was the Lavender town theme. I immediately started screaming. There's nothing scarier to a gamer than the famous Lavender town theme. I checked what pokémon they had in their party, and they had 6 haunters that were all named DEAD. At this point I was seriously getting weirded out. Suddenly the screen changed to at least 100 layers of hellish flame that scrolled and flickered really realistically. Suddenly I realized - the Game Boy couldn't render parallax scrolling with that many sprite layers. I began to scream and then I woke up in my bed holding a game boy so just as I was thinking if it was really all a dream I saw that I was holding the game boy and was all like "huh".

If you enjoyed this article, you may be interested to know there is a zine called "This is Internet" that also features jokes that pretend to be web-sites. I think you will have fun reading it. It ships on July 12th - hey, that's today! Check it out. Ganbare.

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

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