 "Dancin' " Grandpa Phillips | "My grandchildren drew all over my wooden leg while I was asleep. Now I can't clean this faggoty dinosaur off of it." |
 Grandpa "2 Furious" Scardoza | "I have no grandchildren to speak of. I guess you shouldn't ask grandpa to pick them up from soccer practice when he's feeling sleepy, huh?" |
 Grandpa "Pee-Paw" Cumberdale | "My grandchildren call me 'Pee-Paw.' I was once one of the most respected men in this county." |
 Grandpa "Hat Trick" Fortner | "I can't understand a damn thing my grandkids say, so I tend to nod at them and smile while I think of Gunsmoke and Mary Astor's tits." |
 Grandpa "Hoosegow" Tassler | "I always tell my grandchildren that the great road of life doesn't have to end at 90! Unfortunately, my colostomy bag needed to be changed long before we got on the turnpike." |
 Grandma "Pew Pew" Fedlick | "I take my grandchildren out for ice cream after Church every Sunday in the hopes that the mere mention of Jesus Christ's name will one day bring about the Pavlovian response of being sated by dairy fat." |
–
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Me and that Falcon
- No Big Deal.
- Forgotten Literary Greats: "Cracked Copy" by Bruce Gibson
- Novice Facial Hair Countdown
- Sir Rodrik Weymore's Fantastic Write-Typer