This article is part of the The Tiger King and I series.

Read the previous part here.

Disclaimer: Names have been changed mostly because I forgot them and partially because they might sue me for putting them on blast.

The screaming was coming from near where I was parked on the back gravel lot and for a moment, I considered ignoring it. I was sore. I was so sore. Curiosity got the better of me and I exited my car and followed the screaming. It was deepening dusk now and I saw a group of workers all circled around something. I pushed my way through to see what the commotion was. Ignacio was fighting a kangaroo. Please let that settle in. Let that settle into the part of your brain where the absurd lives, as it did mine. I was watching a man trying to contain a loose kangaroo. I did not, and still do not know anything about kangaroos but one thing: They will beat the ever-living shit out of you.

This was not Frazier v. Ali, this was Tyson v. unarmed 4 year old. Ignacio was trying desperately to wrap his arms around the kangaroo while it kicked and punched and thrashed. I tried to step in. A rough-looking older woman pulled me back and said simply, "no". We all stood there, in the twilight, and watched Ignacio take his beating. He was bleeding. He was bleeding a lot. He had slumped down to the ground and the kangaroo had kicked him maybe 5000 times at this point.

A shot rang out and the kangaroo dropped, twitching to the ground. Robert stepped through the crowd and holstered his gun. A group of gruff men pulled Ignacio's unconscious form into one of the trailers. Robert pointed out 4 people at random and then sent the rest back to our lodgings. The men he picked, I assume, were to help him move the massive dead kangaroo.

I never saw Ignacio again. I tell myself that he was healing up. We left on tour 13 days later and I still hadn't seen him. No ambulance came, no police. I was initially confused by this. I later realized what was going on: Joe Exotic used almost exclusively illegal aliens and young, naïve teens like me for staff. It was easier for him that way. Ignacio, I hope you're alive. If not, I'm so fucking sorry.

Check back to every day for another installment of this first-hand look into an extremely deranged world.

– Jans "Untrustable" Holstrom (@HolstromJans)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2023 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful