| If you could ask any candidate a question, who would you ask and what would you ask them? | |
 Dawn CatwandPrayer Bus Volunteer | "Duncan Hunter, what is your favorite needlepoint pattern?" |
 Sgt. J.J. PillockU.S. Army | "Yeah, I would ask Hillary Clinton why she had all those people murdered when she and Bill were in the White House. She can just go through the entire list they have up on clintonmurders-truth.com." |
 Rhett RacecarMILF Hunter | "I would ask Joe Biden how big his boner can get. I'm not gay or nothing, but dude seems like he is probably packing serious heat. Bonus points if he just whips it out on TV and drops it on the podium and is like 'KA-BLAM, bitches!'" |
 Brian MultitoastHemp Advocate | "I have a question for Barack Obama. I want to ask, "Well, well, well, it seems like you admitted to smoking marijuana, yet you continue to characterize partaking of cannabis as a 'youthful mistake.' How can you lie to the American people about the many powers of hemp and the many benefits of marijuana? Would you agree to take a lie detector test to prove that marijuana was bad? Do you have a doctor's form saying you suffered ill effects from marijuana? Why did you quit smoking marijuana? I could go on. Unfortunately, none of the people in the mainstream media have the courage to ask these important questions." |
 Jeineane FizzMarketing | "Hillary Clinton, diamonds or pearls? No, I mean for your purse dog's collar." |
 Rudy GiulianiImmigrant | "I would ask Tom Tancredo if it's alright if I keep picking his strawberries for him and cutting his lawn. Oh, wait, that's right. I'm a structural engineer and I designed a hydroelectric dam for the State of Texas. I've lived here for 29 years, but I guess I could take my dam and go home if he would like." |
| What do you think is the most important foreign policy decision facing the next president? | |
| Dawn Catwand Prayer Bus Volunteer | "What to do about all those foreign people! They're out of their minds! Have you seen some of them on TV? There was a baby with eight arms. That's just too much." |
| Sgt. J.J. Pillock U.S. Army | "Fighting 'them' over there so we don't have to fight 'them' over here. Although, I do like fighting indistinct groups of faceless enemies for no particular reason..." |
| Rhett Racecar MILF Hunter | "My buddy Brewster went to Amsterdam in '05 and he said Euro gash is absolutely mind-blowing. He said it was like doing an octopus with a wig. So pretty much I want to do 'them' over here so I don't have to do 'them' over there. Although, I do like tearing up guts enough to make the trip..." |
| Brian Multitoast Hemp Advocate | "Energy independence will pretty much solve all of our foreign policy problems. Did you know that you can fuel a blimp for nine hours with nothing but hemp gas?" |
| Jeineane Fizz Marketing | "Have the Symbionese people been liberated yet?" |
| Rudy Giuliani Immigrant | "We as a nation must come together and realize the dream of John F. Kennedy that an American will never set foot on a beach in Cuba. Unless they've been trained by the CIA." |
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Previous Articles
- Railfanning the Flames
- Day of the Clown
- Starwire '79! With Rocky French
- Mission Briefings from Hell: Operation Glorious Pegasus
- Ass Effect
