1. Install the game

2. Install the Better Bodies mod

3. Install the Worse Bodies mod

4. Install the Unofficial Patch, which fixes a total of three bugs and adds hundreds of erotic books to the game

5. Manually delete the entire game directory

6. Repeat steps 1-3 then move to step 7, being careful not to repeat step 6

7. Install the Cleaner Faces mod for maximum cleanliness, which has the small side effect of turning every character and creature into a whiter Angelina Jolie

8. Install the Morrowind Script Extender. This makes it possible for the game engine to do things that were previously not possible. For instance, rendering the entire game upside down

9. Install the Rightside Up mod, which reverses the changes made in the Morrowind Script Extender to make the game appear normal again

10. Install the Deader Eyes mod to ensure that no characters in your adventure exude even the dimmest light of vitality

11. Install the Large Memory Patch, which makes the game aware of the fact that your modern computer has much more memory than was available in a typical PC back when Morrowind launched in 2002. The game will not use any of this additional memory, but it will be aware that it exists

12. Install the Face Textures For Terrain mod, replacing all boring ground textures with faces

13. Install the Cleaner Terrain Face Textures mod

14. Install the Realistic Weapons Pack, which adds more than 300 photorealistic weapons to the game, all scanned from actual commemorative blades featured on QVC

15. Run the Morrowind Mod Manager to ensure that all your mods load in the correct order (every third mod first, then the rest in reverse alphabetical order sorted by cleanliness of faces)

16. Install the Enhanced Combat Overhaul, an exhaustive retooling of the game's combat system that replaces all attacks with Three Stooges eye pokes, complete with the accompanying "doink!" sound effect

17. Install Even Better Bodies

18. Install Far Worse Bodies

19. Install Skippy's Overhauled Lighting and Weather mod, which makes everything way darker, replaces the skybox with an HD scan of the Milky Way, and adds slave woman companions to every inn

20. Install the Professional Typographer's Font Replacement mod, swapping the default font with Halloween-themed dingbats

21. Install the Run Speed Fix mod. This adjusts the game's painful default movement speed, slowing it down by 15%

22. Reinstall the original Better Bodies mod to counteract the Far Worse Bodies mod, making all bodies an ideal 80% worse rather than 100% worse

23. Run the game to make sure everything works. As you hide on top of the lighthouse waiting for that dude to sneak towards his stash in the swamp, think about what you're doing and how much time you've invested up to this point

24. Uninstall the game

25. Drag and drop the contents of the Worse Bodies mod to your desktop

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)

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