There is literally nothing about this video that doesn't offend me. It's poorly shot, the volume is WAY TOO FUCKING LOUD, it is as stupid as a shit, and it stars a homely girl who apparently thought fake blood, plastic teeth and laundry maker eyebrows would elevate her feminine appeal. Unfortunately, "elevate" is not the word I'd choose. "Exacerbate" is closer. "Someone" "please" "kill" and "me" would be closer still.
If your friends ever ask you to describe AwfulVision (and if they do, you need new friends), don't point them to our reviews of Chocolate Rain and the retard poetry jam. Don't point them to our thrilling exposes on missjackie69 and Lurker Bunny. Don't even point them to Dog264, the "teh" girl or the guy who got stuck in a balloon.
Don't show them any of that. Show them this video. They will immediately understand. This is the exact kind of inane drivel that ruined YouTube in the first damn place.
This is the last thing you see before you die.You see, YouTube started out as a pretty great idea: you could watch music videos, live concerts, heck maybe even an illegally uploaded episode of Greg the Bunny; but then something happened. I don't know what that something was, but it seemed that over night Youtube went from a pretty cool website to one with more attention whoring and worthless, self-aggrandizing shit than Live Journal, Myspace and Deviant Art combined.
Maybe I didn't get dropped on my head enough or eat enough lead paint as a child, but I'll never be able to rationalize the mindset of someone who needs attention so damn badly that they will literally do anything for it. YouTube has become a place, where instead of aspiring to a good job, a beautiful significant other and a fancy car, people base their entire lives on how many vlogs they post and many comments and stars they get for uploading videos of themselves doing things that would get them punched in the balls in polite society.
Once upon a time, people this horribly awkward had a place on the social food chain, and that place was called "pariah". Not so today! Today, every fat high school drop out with a web cam, a microphone and an inane opinion can climb their ways to the top of the social ladder -- a position once relegated to people who were actually cool and witty and attractive -- and stay there until they're inevitably knocked back down by someone else who assuredly doesn't deserve the fame or attention. It is an affront to nature.
I have become YouTube, destroyer of worlds.
"uhmm.... Warren Zevon is much hotter"
"She reminds me of Shelly Marsh.
That is messed up, dude."
"hahaha what the hell was that!!?"
That about does it for yet another AwfulVision! I'd like to thank David, Justin, Adam and the rest of you horrible jerks who sent in videos this week. Fuck you, I hate you all. Today is my birthday and watching this shit while faced with the unrelenting march of time is enough to drive a man to drink.
If you'd like to join my ever-growing hit list, be sure to send in a a video. Also, be sure to join our YouTube channel (especially if you don't "get" AwfulVision and think I'm trying to "steal your work" by making fun of your video).
See you jerks next week!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!