Pastor G. Ezekiel BeauregardWords of Covenant
"For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on it must be put to death."
I know not even where to begin on this abomination. What in the blazes sort of church is this? At the Preston Valley Faith Hope Evangelical Southern Baptist Church of God in Christ and Spirit, we observe traditional, conservative services. Namely, I scream at the top of my lungs about how bodily functions that God Himself created are evil and bad and make everyone feel worse leaving than they did coming in. Good, salt-of-the-earth Christianity like Jesus Himself intended. Glory!
What I see here is yet another example of a video slipping past the GodTube censors. I will remain optimistic, however. Perhaps they were busy reading their Bibles or practicing ritual mortification of the flesh and accidentally let this video slip by? Yes, surely that is the case.
I don't know what it is about colored churches. Every time I've gone to one as part of a pastor exchange program, the same dratted thing happens as in this video: a big titted negress prances and cavorts around while the congregation hoots and hollers like they're watching a nickle peep show! Well, I tell you this: God is "peeping" at you, too, and you're nickle-and-diming your way to the blazing furnace of hell with this godless, sinful activity!
You may think it is "dope" and "hot" to watch a woman tarnish herself and insult our Lord like this, but hell is a lot "hotter" than anything you can imagine, you "dope"!
"Wow...Goodness and Mercy - The emotion, the power, the spirit moving yow...wow so awesome. I wish I could tell you this in person"
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!