Recently, Weezer released yet another album that wasn't nearly as good as Pinkerton and nerds everywhere were once again divided. Some thought it was a return to form at least somewhat, whereas others thought the former group were stupid-ass dumb ugly faggots who need to take Rivers Cuomo's nerdcock out of their mouths and/or asses. Guess which group I'm in.
Anyway, for those not familiar with the band's modus operandi, every Weezer album has to have a wacky, possibly-ironic-pop-culture-reference video for it's lead single. "Buddy Holly" paid homage to Happy Days, "Hash Pipe" had sumo wrestlers, "Keep Fishin'" ruined the Muppet Show for me forever, and "Beverly Hills" featured the Playboy Mansion.
True to form, the boys in Weezer apparently decided that the latest single, "Pork and Beans", would be the ultimate Weezer video and as such, decided to cram as much irony as humanly possible into a ~3:30 pop song.
You may want to turn off your Irony Meters while watching this video, as most store-bought meters top out at "Hot Topic T-shirt"-level irony. Only industrial-strength meters are rated for Weezer videos. Consult your manual if you aren't sure.
Anyway, on to the video!
As you're all aware, I'm a glutton for punishment. So, I present to you every single video referenced in this video. Please note that I am doing this all on my own and only had to "cheat" once, when I couldn't remember the name of that bitch who does the sex ed videos on Youtube. I hate myself for knowing every other one of these videos just as much as you all do, trust me.
We start with "One Man Band". Some kid films himself playing a bunch of instruments. WOWIE!!!!!!!!!! COOL!!! A+++++ WOULD WATCH AGAIN
Next up, the venerable "Numa Numa". Worth mentioning is that Weezer actually managed to get most of the original "actors" to reprise their "roles".
"Dramatic look Gopher" is as shocked as I am that this Weezer song is horrible.
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Next, we find out what happens when nerds have too much time (and too many bottles of Coke and packs of Mentos) on their hands.
Personally, I'd have picked "Pork chop sandwiches" or "Reggae" if I was going to use a G.I. Joe PSA, but this one is pretty funny, too.
This video features one of our very own forum goons breaking the record for most t-shirts worn. Great success!
As always, Chris Crocker is a terrible piece of shit, but at least he's good at being a terrible piece of shit and knows it. Too bad the same can't be said for the rest of Youtube.
All your retarded catchphrase from 2003 are belong to Weezer.
Oh, Miss Teen USA. You have a map... a map to my heart...
Savor the irony that this video was filmed at roughly the same time Weezer last put out a decent album.
We're not done yet. In fact, we're just getting started. More stupid fucking Weezer shit on the next page!
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!