Choose Your Own Adventure auteur Atma came up with a new tale to tell, a frostbitten account of a man stranded in a wintry hell with nothing to keep him company except pungent corpses and a few haunted survivors. But instead of following this grim narrative to its depressing conclusion, the SA Goons added some color (peacock feathers, yellow snow), companions (Goku, an 8-legged freak) and competition (World Martial Arts Tournament?) to make our nameless protagonist's quest less bleak, lonely and boring! Surely he'd thank them for everything, except the times they got him killed.
Happy Bear Suit
>pee name in the snow
>cut dick off with knife
>put severed dick in can
>pack canned dick with snow to keep it fresh
>use scope to search for hospital
Sudden Loud Noise
>Put scope in mouth to determine if scope is mouthwash.
You pull the telescope from your pocket and gaze to the north.
Turning around, you keep the scope to your eye and gaze to the south.
>eat snow just a whole dang lot of snow
>go to tent
>take everything, including the tent
You walk south, passing a line of piled stones littered with various markers. In the distance, you notice a canvas tent. You proceed to investigate.
You arrive at the entrance of a large canvas tent. You notice a layer of dark, red snow nearby. You hear soft groans from inside the tent.
> read that hot new Marx and Engels book everyone's been buzzing aboutGridlocked
> Build A Snow Goku
Feeling restless, you decide to take the time to construct a figure out of some of the nearby snow. The snow is extremely powdery and doesn't stick together very well, but you're able to use some of the dark red snow nearby to make the process easier. The reddish coloring turns out to be perfect to make a pair of pants, and you use some stones nearby to form a large stack for its hair. Oddly, you notice some large bones strewn about nearby. What luck - they make for perfect arms!
You step back and admire your work. This took nearly a half an hour, and you feel very cold.
Bip Roberts>open a "man sized" hole in the side of that tent with knife
You pull out your knife and slit into the side of the tent flap, pulling back the canvas...
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The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.