Being a deli clerk is never a very exciting job...
*scene of deli clerk ringing up order for very grumpy old lady*
...or is it?
Hans Schloppybuttz's life is turned upside down when he discovers one of his prized sausages...
*cut to CGI sausage with Sandler's face on it* "Whatta you lookin' at?"
*scene of Hans and sausage struggling to put out a kitchen fire*
What you think you know about meat...
*scene of Hans quickly shoving the sausage into a cupboard, turning around to a suspicious look on his girlfriend's face*
Is about to change...
*scene of sausage looking up at Hans in the rain, tears streaming down its face* "I'm REAL. Why can't you accept me for what I am?!"
*scene of Hans shakily pointing a gun at the sausage* "I can't live like this anymore..."
Adam Sandler is...
*scene of sausage falling off of a shelf and diving right into the exposed crack of kitchen worker. Close-up of kitchen worker's crossed eyes.*
... THE SAUSAGE WHISPERER
Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Rob Schnider, David Spade, Chris Rock and Tim Meadows are all average joes working as janitors in a top secret research facility. One day they accidentally clean up some waste that ends up giving them super powers. Now with their new powers can they manage their families and save the day from the evil corporation ran by Benedict Cumberbatch? Expect at least one scene where someone has a superpowered fart or bowel movement and Sandler using his powers to fuck with his daughter's stupid boyfriend.
Super Crew. Coming to a theater near you summer 2016!
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.