Being a deli clerk is never a very exciting job...
*scene of deli clerk ringing up order for very grumpy old lady*
...or is it?
Hans Schloppybuttz's life is turned upside down when he discovers one of his prized sausages...
*cut to CGI sausage with Sandler's face on it* "Whatta you lookin' at?"
*scene of Hans and sausage struggling to put out a kitchen fire*
What you think you know about meat...
*scene of Hans quickly shoving the sausage into a cupboard, turning around to a suspicious look on his girlfriend's face*
Is about to change...
*scene of sausage looking up at Hans in the rain, tears streaming down its face* "I'm REAL. Why can't you accept me for what I am?!"
*scene of Hans shakily pointing a gun at the sausage* "I can't live like this anymore..."
Adam Sandler is...
*scene of sausage falling off of a shelf and diving right into the exposed crack of kitchen worker. Close-up of kitchen worker's crossed eyes.*
... THE SAUSAGE WHISPERER
Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Rob Schnider, David Spade, Chris Rock and Tim Meadows are all average joes working as janitors in a top secret research facility. One day they accidentally clean up some waste that ends up giving them super powers. Now with their new powers can they manage their families and save the day from the evil corporation ran by Benedict Cumberbatch? Expect at least one scene where someone has a superpowered fart or bowel movement and Sandler using his powers to fuck with his daughter's stupid boyfriend.
Super Crew. Coming to a theater near you summer 2016!
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.