Mayor Wilkins again with yet another amazing Comedy Goldmine. Before I get to that, though, I have a disclaimer that will hopefully clear up some confusion from the week before last's Goldmine, as I sure got a lot of concerned e-mails about it.
The letters from the week before last's Goldmine weren't sent to me. I had nothing to do with them. Sure, I've had some experiences with crazy women, but those letters weren't sent to me. Those were sent to a member of the forums named futhman, not myself. Futhman, see. Not Mayor Wilkins. Futhman.
So credit where credit's due. Don't think that anything posted here is mine - there's no way in hell I'd ever post the stories of my crazy batshit insane ex-girlfriends here, because one of them might recognize themselves and then I'd wake up at four in the morning with a half-naked insane girl straddling my chest while she held a knife to my throat and screamed "YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT ME!" Futhman was willing to take that risk, and we're all grateful to him for that, even though he hasn't posted in a few days so maybe I ought to check into that.
Anyway, this week's Goldmine is a very special audio version, not images. Although there is one image. And there's a sound file. This week's Goldmine entry is the sole product of forums member darthphunk. Notice I didn't say "Mayor Wilkins," I said "darthphunk." This means that if you send me an e-mail telling me what a great impression of Ted Koppel I do, I will wind up depressed, because I sound no more like Ted Koppel than Gilbert Gottfried does. Darthphunk, however, does a great impression of Ted Koppel, which you are about to discover. You are welcome to drop by the forums and let him know what a great impression of Ted Koppel he does. You should definitely do that. It would brighten his day, and meanwhile I can investigate futhman's apparent disappearance.
So without further ado, let me turn things over to darthphunk...
WHAT'S UP, BITCHES?
Ted Koppel is a remarkable man.
He is a journalist... a scholar... a gangsta rapper.
Viewers are advised to "peep" the following...
CLICK ON THE PICTURE OF TED KOPPEL TO HEAR HIM SING
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Pros: Much more comfortable than my last toilet seat, which was a transparent resin with seashells embedded inside. The outer layer wore off from friction, exposing the sharp jagged edges of the seashells, which were constantly scrapping my backside and causing major cuts and open sores.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.