With 2013's Jobs and 2015's Steve Jobs, there's never been a better time to watch multiple films about the guy who invented a special kind of monochrome computer case who is now dead. Don't worry if you can't find the time to see these masterpieces, though - the posters in Something Awful's own FYAD forum have you covered!
I'd like two tickets to watch Steve Jobs at the cinema tonight please - best seats you've got
Ah sorry sir, you can't take your own snacks in to this screening of the Steve Jobs biopic. You have to buy snacks at the counter if you want to eat them in front of the film you've paid $11 to watch about Steve Jobs' life
Knuc U Kinte
Me in the cinema with the voice of the pimple guy from Simpsons: two tickets to watch Steve jobs, please.
"He was trtuly a genius -- a genius of and beyond his time....simply amazing." - me, thinking to myself eloquantly, while sitting in the cinema watching the film about Steve Jobs
College Prof: You're smart kid.. damn smart. Test scores, all good... But you cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
Steve Jobs: I just feel like sometimes walking around outdoors, posibly even while on the drug acid, can be just as good of a teacher as the traditional classroom.
Professor: Wow -- again, you're very smart, but in an unusual, creative sort of way; this movie can't stress that enough.
Priest who looks particularly sad at Steve Job's death, a little sadder than if a normal person had died: And let us remember all the people whose lives he touched by making computers that are slightly better than windows for graphic design and video editing.
[Uzbeki tin magnate is shown in the crowd comforting despondent Chinese entrepeneur Xi Baolo, who sells apple products on the Chinese market without paying royalties by replacing the logo with the Cantonese character for Apple]
Elton John soundtrack: Oh it seems to me, that he lived his life
And lastly, $15000, to be donated to the Foxconn Labs Basejumping Society
here's your popcorn and here's a drink large enough that the lid comes with a diving board. the movie is 69 hours long but i wouldn't leave to piss if i were you - you might miss the scene that lionises a retarded man because he yelled at people with computer science degrees until they made round computers
TGhis is the emotional tale of a man - a human god - who paid people to make a small computer that you can take into the toilet with you, but its not weird like if you did it with a laptop.
Grandmother of Five
Special Feature MST3K Episode promised to feature the entire MST3K cast watching the full unedited 215 minutes movie in revered silence
no they will not
me whenever steve jobs isn't on screen: where's steve??
steve jobs delivering the ultimate warrior plane hijacking promo - but get this: hes talking to an oncologist
steve jobs: As you, Hulk Hogan, travel to...WRESTLEMANIA...by conventional means, the normals you travel with experience malfunctions. As you realize ALL THAT IS LEFT is total self-destruction, do you, Hulk Hogan, show self-pity? DO YOU, Hulk Hogan, try to reason why? Do you, Hulk Hogan, try and comfort the normals that have even more fear than you?
doctor: mr jobs please, you bring up some very good points about how hulk hogan is more courageous than a regular human man, but i urge you in the strongest possible terms to accept the chemotherapy. you're going to die, mr. jobs. you're going to die and not be able to make any more computers.
steve jobs: [snarling and snorting at a vitamix]
The Golden Man
steve Jobs: what if there was a different kind of coputer. a new, second kind, of computer. not ibm i mean. aaag i got fuckin cancer
no they will not
College prof: OK class, today we'll learn the correct way to design and make a computer. First of all it has to be beige, second of all it has to have pointed corners instead of being rounded, finally the computer is a separate part to the monitor instead of having the monitor and computer be the same thing, anyone who makes a computer a different way will be expelled
Students [droning, monotonous unison]: Yes... make computer
steve jobs: This can't be right... there has to be a better way!
audience member in cinema turning to friend: that's steve jobs
6 tickets for Steve jobs please. Actually wait (turns around and counting aloud to myself and pointing my finger in the air like im counting my friends even though im by myself and its 11am on a weekday) sorry make that 7.
anne frank fanfic
Stuffy dude in suit: in our latest model, we're thinking about increasing the size of the screen and making the computer part even faster
Steve Jobs trying to look like Justin Timberlake in the facebook movie: drop the 'computer'
Stuffy dude in suit: ... that's the entire product
Jobs who knows hes dying and still cant find the perfect quote for his bio: the screen will have a neural net processor; a learning computer
the steve jobs movie, the walt disney mary poppins movie, and the steve jobs movie may not be good movies, or even entertaining movies, but thye have an important function - they keep the corporations these great white men founded sustainable for years to come by reminding us to think of them like saints. it keeps me excited about my purchases... yas steve jobs yas walt disney
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
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