Monarchies occasionally result in tragic stagnation, as people become complacent in their roles as leaders for life. Take the Web King, who rose to the throne in 1996 and refuses to recognize any design innovations since that date. The King's quirks include using the anachronistic printer-and-scanner method to produce screen grabs, employing the old "under construction" GIF, and suggesting his wife looks mannish during a failed attempt at self-deprecation. Naturally, the King governs the people of Las Vegas, who probably find his particular brand of gaudiness quaint.

Instead of putting his face on currency, this King imposes his 1996 aesthetic on other Web sites -- for $70 an hour.

- Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller (@DarbageGay)