Well, I wrote something for the front page. I don't think Lowtax knows that I can even do this, but old people love surprises like they love hard candy (Lowtax is like 58 years old). DocEvil is still in the hospital for his "bowel protrusion" thing, so he asked if I could cover for him today. He gets off of his painkillers tomorrow, so I'm pretty sure he will never make the same mistake again.
I'm really looking forward to finding out what advertisements are served for this article, and how many impressions we get from said ad banners. PROPS
Forums User/Hardcore Rapper m0yashi, for the idea of making a RealDoll dating profile
Livestock who gave me words of encouragement, some HTML to use and some sweet nude photos of Pantsfish's Fiancee
The Something Awful forums you guys are my boo, for reals
The Dirty Cowboy for being [url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw2Q9BdcE9U']The Dirty Cowboy[/url]
The 2.0 Content Patch in WoW and how it destroyed all of my User Interface settings
The dude or dudes that got the PyramidHeadGirl account deleted
People that hate the word "Hella"
Finally, because I couldn't fit it on the FrontPage, here is a chat log between TeamHalliburton and Pyramidheadgirl.
teamhalliburton:I have a mathematical formula to prove that Britney shouldn't wear underwear outside.
teamhalliburton: but genius is never understood in its own time.
pyramidheadgirl: i dont see what the big deal is about not wearing underwear though
pyramidheadgirl: i mean that may sound slutty, but like learn to take care of yourself
pyramidheadgirl: hers is pretty nasty though but would america expect any less
teamhalliburton: I don't have a problem with people not wearing underwear, at large.
pyramidheadgirl: is that a fat joke
teamhalliburton: Mom, are you calling Lisa fat?
pyramidheadgirl: i dont follow
teamhalliburton: no, it's not a big deal. it's when you know they're dying to get a shot of it and you flash it.
pyramidheadgirl: hey thats gross
teamhalliburton: I don't follow why that was a fat joke, so I countered with a Simpsons reference you probably wouldn't get.
teamhalliburton: nothing personal. pyramidheadgirl: oh the simpsons
pyramidheadgirl: people still watch that show?
teamhalliburton: I don't.
teamhalliburton: but that's from many seasons ago.
pyramidheadgirl: so why are you messaging a realdoll teamhalliburton
pyramidheadgirl: about britney spears's vagina
teamhalliburton: sometimes conversations withinanimate objects can be more fun than conversations with the human users of this site.
teamhalliburton: surely you understand that.
pyramidheadgirl: no not really
pyramidheadgirl: kinda creepy
teamhalliburton: it's just as creepy that you posted those photos, so at best we're even.
teamhalliburton: maybe I should be asking why those are even there.
pyramidheadgirl: finding out which kind of person would repeatedly message a real doll
teamhalliburton has blocked you
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!