Zack: What the hell is even going on with this guy's hand? It's like Johnny Bench just caught a wild slider from the drafting table.
Steve: He looks so mad. "Bro, I heard you breaking bad on forehead gems. Don't make me take off this sleeveless pirate coat and come kick your butt."
Zack: "Just because I'm seven feet tall doesn't mean I don't know my ionic from my doric."
Steve: I never really conceived of a genie making blueprints. And aren't pretty much all genies going to try to trick you with your wish?
Zack: That's more of a leprechaun thing, but I'm sure an evil genie would do it too.
Steve: "What the hell is this staircase doing on the kitchen island!?"
Zack: "And why is there a real island in my kitchen?"Steve: "And why is the second story of my house a book?"
Zack: "And why is there a guy standing here named Bill Ding? What am I supposed to do with this? You think it's funny? I ordered 200 desks and PCs."
Steve: "And why did you give all of my money to some guy who hates elves so he'll ask if I want to go up or down?"
Zack: "Real good work. Hey, Kazzam, that's not how you hold a ruler, you mitt-fisted moron. Go back to your bottle and fuck yourself. Maybe learn a trade up to your skill set of horrible puns and drawing crooked lines."
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.