Zack: You're in some sort of hospital now and you see a really hot babe in a swimsuit and she's wearing go-go boots and holding an air horn and a hypodermic needle.
Steve: Dang that babe is smoking hot. Am I still all horny from the vagina on the tree?
Zack: You are way horny, dude. You are even hornier after looking at this babe. She says, "I want to give you a shot."
Steve: Top off shot. I tell her that. She can give me a shot but she has to get out those hooters.
Zack: "Does not compute. Input new parameters. Beep boop beep boop!"
Steve: Frigging robot hospital! I knew it!
Zack: She's still trying to give you that shot.
Steve: I grab her and throw her in the sink. "Sleep with the fishes lady! In fish jail!"
Zack: Her circuits bust out of her head, but not before she hits the air horn.
Zack: Suddenly a way buff dude robot enters and he looks PISSED. He's all pumped up. He sees the girl robot dead in the sink and he gets even more mad.
Steve: I've got some of that for you, Tae Bo!
Zack: "You killed my robot wife! You murderer!"
Steve: "Robot marriage is illegal in the Duchy of Geoff!" I'm gonna swing my axe at him as I say that last part. Like the exclamation point.
Zack: You hack him in two before he can react. You see the light fading from his eyes. Somewhere in the distance you hear a robot child calling for "mommy and daddy."
Steve: I had no choice. They were attacking me.
Zack: If that's what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night.
Steve: Is there a way out of here?
Zack: Other than the way you came there is one large door and then a long hallway. The robot child's voice is coming from the long hallway.
Steve: The large door!
The Remains of Bidet (James Ivory, 1993)
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.