Zack: You're in some sort of hospital now and you see a really hot babe in a swimsuit and she's wearing go-go boots and holding an air horn and a hypodermic needle.
Steve: Dang that babe is smoking hot. Am I still all horny from the vagina on the tree?
Zack: You are way horny, dude. You are even hornier after looking at this babe. She says, "I want to give you a shot."
Steve: Top off shot. I tell her that. She can give me a shot but she has to get out those hooters.
Zack: "Does not compute. Input new parameters. Beep boop beep boop!"
Steve: Frigging robot hospital! I knew it!
Zack: She's still trying to give you that shot.
Steve: I grab her and throw her in the sink. "Sleep with the fishes lady! In fish jail!"
Zack: Her circuits bust out of her head, but not before she hits the air horn.
Zack: Suddenly a way buff dude robot enters and he looks PISSED. He's all pumped up. He sees the girl robot dead in the sink and he gets even more mad.
Steve: I've got some of that for you, Tae Bo!
Zack: "You killed my robot wife! You murderer!"
Steve: "Robot marriage is illegal in the Duchy of Geoff!" I'm gonna swing my axe at him as I say that last part. Like the exclamation point.
Zack: You hack him in two before he can react. You see the light fading from his eyes. Somewhere in the distance you hear a robot child calling for "mommy and daddy."
Steve: I had no choice. They were attacking me.
Zack: If that's what you have to tell yourself to sleep at night.
Steve: Is there a way out of here?
Zack: Other than the way you came there is one large door and then a long hallway. The robot child's voice is coming from the long hallway.
Steve: The large door!
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.