Zack: Two robots like the kind from the beginning have captured Spuds McKenzie. Some sort of force field is keeping him asleep. There is a cooler full of Coors and cooler full of Budweiser in the room.
Steve: A logic puzzle! Well, barbarians aren't very good at logic, so I am going to try to smash the force field with my axe.
Zack: Your axe just bounces off.
Steve: Okay, plan B. I am gonna chug a Budweiser and try to think of plan C.
Zack: As you drink the Budweiser your blood is suffused with the animal spirit. You fall to the ground as you begin to undergo a painful transformation.
Steve: Ahhhh what's happening!?
Zack: Your chest splits open and your skin turns into floral colors. Your legs sprout khaki shorts and your feet grow sandals. The world grows darker. You are now peering through cool shades. You have contracted party animal lycanthropy.
Zack: Disgusted by your breech of decorum, the robots grab you and Spuds McKenzie and throw you out of the spaceship and back into the valley!
Zack: The End!
Steve: Wait, what!?
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.