Zack: Two robots like the kind from the beginning have captured Spuds McKenzie. Some sort of force field is keeping him asleep. There is a cooler full of Coors and cooler full of Budweiser in the room.
Steve: A logic puzzle! Well, barbarians aren't very good at logic, so I am going to try to smash the force field with my axe.
Zack: Your axe just bounces off.
Steve: Okay, plan B. I am gonna chug a Budweiser and try to think of plan C.
Zack: As you drink the Budweiser your blood is suffused with the animal spirit. You fall to the ground as you begin to undergo a painful transformation.
Steve: Ahhhh what's happening!?
Zack: Your chest splits open and your skin turns into floral colors. Your legs sprout khaki shorts and your feet grow sandals. The world grows darker. You are now peering through cool shades. You have contracted party animal lycanthropy.
Zack: Disgusted by your breech of decorum, the robots grab you and Spuds McKenzie and throw you out of the spaceship and back into the valley!
Zack: The End!
Steve: Wait, what!?
Sleeping with AC is at this point a basic human right. But if you're one of the doomed souls forced to deal with global warming on a nightly basis, here's an hourly breakdown on how to get the most out of your inferno hellscape of a bedroom.
Some of the Internet's most veteran anatomy experts convened to discuss the stolen nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence and other beautiful celebrities.
We're spelunking through the movie catacombs this week. Join us, won't you?
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.