Steve: It's a rainy Chicago afternoon when you arrive at the airport.
Zack: Was Lisa able to smuggle her dynamite and flame thrower on the plane?
Steve: No, she had to leave them behind.
Zack: Not a big deal. I'm pretty sure there's a store that sells dynamite and flame throwers in East Chicago.
Steve: Kurt also had to leave his heroin behind.
Zack: "Ohhhh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh god. E, where's the limousine? I need to find a dealer. Do you know anybody here? Do you know where I can score? You're not holding, are you?"
Steve: Eazy-E is offended. He is West Coast and has no idea how to get drugs in East Chicago. "Do you think all black people know where to get drugs anywhere?"
Zack: "No?" I say sheepishly.
Steve: You're going to be minus 20% on all skills until you get some heroin.
Zack: I order the limousine driver to take us to the nicest hotel in East Chicago. Maybe a boutique hotel where they have a koi pond in your room and the little soaps are carved with your initials.
Zack: Or something without a dead body in the room when we check in. one of the two.
Steve: The limo drives you to a Holiday Inn that looks like it is from a horror movie. The limousine screeches away as you get your luggage out.
Zack: The effects of this evil entity are being felt. Ronald Reagan, your trickle down lies are a doomsday prophecy for the middle class.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.