Steve: It's a rainy Chicago afternoon when you arrive at the airport.
Zack: Was Lisa able to smuggle her dynamite and flame thrower on the plane?
Steve: No, she had to leave them behind.
Zack: Not a big deal. I'm pretty sure there's a store that sells dynamite and flame throwers in East Chicago.
Steve: Kurt also had to leave his heroin behind.
Zack: "Ohhhh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh god. E, where's the limousine? I need to find a dealer. Do you know anybody here? Do you know where I can score? You're not holding, are you?"
Steve: Eazy-E is offended. He is West Coast and has no idea how to get drugs in East Chicago. "Do you think all black people know where to get drugs anywhere?"
Zack: "No?" I say sheepishly.
Steve: You're going to be minus 20% on all skills until you get some heroin.
Zack: I order the limousine driver to take us to the nicest hotel in East Chicago. Maybe a boutique hotel where they have a koi pond in your room and the little soaps are carved with your initials.
Zack: Or something without a dead body in the room when we check in. one of the two.
Steve: The limo drives you to a Holiday Inn that looks like it is from a horror movie. The limousine screeches away as you get your luggage out.
Zack: The effects of this evil entity are being felt. Ronald Reagan, your trickle down lies are a doomsday prophecy for the middle class.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.