Zack: I want to punch every character featured in every piece of artwork for this game.
Steve: They're just bringing magic into this world, dude. They're spreading the dreams.
Zack: If I was dreaming about these three I'd learn how to lucid dream so I could cut up their torsos with my chainsaw. No, with my chainsaw hands.
Steve: Oh man, that reminds me, I downloaded a lucid dreaming app for my iPad and I was able to do about 90% of the things I wanted to get done in my dreams. You can make anything happen.
Zack: Did you cut the fedora off a dream elf with your chainsaw hands?
Steve: Mostly I had to finish old video games I never got around to beating in real life. Like the Shadowrun game for Genesis and Crimson Skies and Crescent Hawks Revenge.
Zack: FASA must be very disappointed in you.
Steve: I also might have had sex with myself, but it was cool because the other me was totally a hot girl.
Zack: How deep does your rabbit hole go?
Steve: Gross dude.
Zack: I believe you will soon discover that it is you who is the gross dude.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.