Steve: The Thing is maimed by this unruly, brutal elf. Bearded elf, rude dude. Thwarts heroes with his cutlass.
Zack: Great Lego-hand detail on this guy. Another example of that classic original D&D outsider art. The desultory school of art.
Steve: That's pretty wicked how they can be a fighter one adventure and if they want they can just switch over to being a wizard.
Zack: Never trust an elf.
Steve: That's a good point, but not because they switch classes. It is because of their whimsical and often mercurial nature.
Zack: Speaks orc, hobgoblin, gnoll, and whatever else. You know, usual stuff. No big deal. He speaks it.
Steve: I think that means common.
Zack: Yeppp bought the Rosetta Stone CDs for Hobgoblin. I figure it'll take me about six weeks to quest across the mountains and to the cursed lands of the hobgoblins. Should be on advanced discs by then.
Steve: I took four years of kobold in high school and I never get a chance to use it.
Zack: Gugbug e Zack. Huggamug e dob discotheque?
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.