Steve: Slimes are like gross puzzles where you have to figure out which slime you're fighting and what it's immune to before you get killed.
Zack: Oh no not a nearly-immobile goo puddle. How terrifying.
Steve: Go ahead and scoff, dude. Take note of the Mustard Jelly's intelligence. Average. It's a thinking slime as smart as a person. This thing could work a desk job.
Zack: Well this company does reward failure.
Steve: It's not gonna fail at eating your bones! It's gonna devise some scheme and trick you and kill you when you least suspect it.
Zack: I would say 23 hours out of the day I am not expecting to be killed by a slime so it has a pretty wide window.
Steve: I'm just saying combine the grossest monster with deadly cunning and you have a real recipe for horror.
Zack: Now you've got me thinking about what sorts of schemes a slime would cook up to kill somebody. The obvious one is creep up next to their bed while they're asleep and wait for them to get out of bed, but if these guys are as smart as you say then they could pull one of those "you just won a TV, come and get it" stings that cops pull on people with warrants.
Steve: "Here's your free TV box. I hope your favorite channel is slime!!!"
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.