Roper
Steve: I think we made fun of ropers in these articles, now you're saying you like them?
Zack: They're scary. What could be a better jump-scare than some poor adventurer walking through a dark and lonely cave, fearful of a beast of some sort and they bump into something. Whew. Only a stalactite. They turn around, searching for danger, when the stalactite opens its eyes and its big McDonaldland mouth and grabs them.
Steve: Ah! That is pretty scary. And it would be pretty scary also to be killed by a giant pickle or some sort of sausage with sausage link arms.
Zack: I feel like you're denigrating the roper.
Steve: No way. Mad respect for the roper. The scariest monsters are always stationary lumps with puppet mouths.
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About This Column
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.
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