Zack: It's hard to think with Broccolini staring at me, but I was looking through those rules for creating an alien in Heroes Unlimited. There is a random chart for what type of alien you are and one of the types is a plant.
Steve: Swamp Thing was a plant. I mean, basically. He was a thing of swamp. And also he had emotions.
Zack: Not exactly the same, because Swamp Thing is bipedal and that's a separate option. You can also choose to play a crazy hero, which means you can play an insane alien plant. You can even give your plant multiple personalities.
Zack: So Mort, the fern from Neptune, has six personalities. And one of those personalities is a woman and another one is a hypochondriac.
Steve: Is he worried about beetles?
Zack: He read the wikipedia page for Dutch Elm and now he can't get it out of his mind. Every little twitch, every little blemish on one of his leaves, has to be a Dutch Elm infection.
Steve: It sounds like he's going to have trouble fighting for justice.
Zack: Yeah, but the good news is with every six months of rigorous therapy and talking through his problems he might actually lose the extra personalities and be cured.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.