Zack: Once again the X-Men gather around the VCR to watch a video tape. It seems Professor X was able to recover video from the chips in the robots. He presses play and you see video of none other than Magneto is standing in front of a map with four green dots and he is laughing evilly.
Steve: Magneto! I knew it!
Zack: No you didn't. You thought it was Mentallo behind it all.
Steve: Merely a red herring ruse to lure us out into the open. Now that Magneto knows we are hot on his heels we'll have to hurry to find his lair.
Zack: Professor X has figured out that the dot in North America on the map corresponds to a military base in Colorado. The other dots are in Asia, Australia, and South America, but the video quality is too poor to tell where in those countries.
Steve: Alright, we're taking the jet to Colorado once Rogue's boobs have fully healed.
Zack: They're healed but badly deformed now and the sight of them sickens you and everyone else and she refuses to ever take them out again. You can take the jet to Colorado but Professor X and Nightcrawler have invented a device that can sense Magneto's devices and it will take until morning to mount it on the plane.
Steve: Okay but Rogue is going to touch Wolverine and steal his healing factor so she can regrow her blasted hooters. If possible she will heal extra and regrow them even bigger than before and also request a uniform that is clear on the top like cellophane or something.
Zack: Steve, no.
Steve: Allllll aboard! Choo-choo-choo-choo!
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.